First Day of School
When I woke up this morning I didn’t know it was the first day of school.
I lingered in bed nursing Selah. I threw on some comfy leggings, put my hair up in a pony, and headed to the kitchen to make coffee. I sat down and opened my journal for some quiet time. A few minutes in I hear Selah on the monitor and go to grab her. Returning to the coffee table baby in arms, I thought I’d look at the checklist and policies again for Eleanor’s preschool, even though (in my head) it was still two days away.
“I’m so on top of things like this”, I thought.
Scrolling through the pages of her preschool site I come across the calendar. There it was. “First day of school” highlighted and in bold. August 13th.
Wait what day is it today...? Was yesterday the 12th?
OH MY GOSH. SCHOOL STARTS TODAY.
It’s 7:38am. Drop off is at 8am. I quickly do the mom math in my head. Is it even possible to get all four of us out the door and to school on time? I have to try right? It’s Eleanor’s first day, and I don’t want her to miss that.
Okay so we’re doing this. I open Eleanor’s door and say excitedly “do you want to go to school today?!”, while silently praying she says yes.
And of course she does. This is Eleanor. She’s down for anything and loves meeting new people. My shoulders relax a little. She doesn’t know I messed up the dates, or that this totally wasn’t how I had planned for the first day of school to go (I had imagined lots of intentional conversation to prepare her little heart for the transition, followed by some prayer, a fun breakfast, and walking to school with Dad)
Instead I hand her a gogurt and a bag of dry cereal and tell her to eat quick.
I wanted to let her wear her favorite dress, the green one with butterflies, on her first day. You know, so she would feel comfortable and confident and all. Of course it’s in the dirty clothes because it’s on a 3 day rotation and she wore it over the weekend. I do a quick smell test as I grab it from the hamper. It’ll do.
I change three diapers, dress three kids, and strap Selah into her car seat. I start the car and put Jude and Selah in. When I walk back into the house Elle has her gold jelly shoes on (still amazes me that I have one kid who can put their shoes on all by themselves.) “I’m readyyyyyyy for school!” she sings. My heart calms. I let out the breath I had been holding. It’s going to be okay.
We head to the car and it’s 8:06am. I’m pretty impressed. On the way to school I try to salvage the mayhem that was this morning by asking Eleanor if I can pray for her. I pray that she would have fun today. That she would feel safe and known and loved at this new school. And that she would be a light to her teachers and new friends. My eyes start to burn as I realize I’m crying. I stop. What the heck, pull it together.
We get to school, which is only a minute away—thank you Jesus. I latch the two littles into the double stroller and we walk in. Eleanor sees her teacher from down the hall and screams “Hi!!!!!!” Then she looks back at me, casually, and says “bye Mom”.
Not Mama. Or Mommy. Just Mom. Like she’s 13 or something. COOL. 😭
As I walk out I’m tempted to linger by the gate. To be a fly on the wall and watch her interact with the other kids. But I don’t. I keep walking, letting her go a little. For the first time she’s going to have something new to tell me at when I pick her up. Something that I didn’t already know about her day.
And just like that there’s a shift. A good one. Of letting go of control. Of expectations. Of being the one solely responsible for her days. She’s going to grow a lot this year. And you know what, I think I will too.
So here’s to a new school year friends. To the clunky change. To all the firsts. And to dropping the ball every once in awhile and knowing that it’ll all be okay.