On Turning Thirty

“Our rent is due today.” my roommate mumbled from her side of the room. This is the first thing I heard when I woke up on my 20th birthday, ten years ago today. No happy birthday or balloons we’re waiting for me. To be fair to my roommate, I didn’t tell her it was my birthday. I didn’t tell anyone actually. I had just moved to California a few months prior and in an effort to start fresh, I deleted Facebook—and we all know that without Facebook, no one knows it’s your birthday. So there I was. Going about my day as if it were any other. I went to church with some new friends and kept sneaking away to answer phone calls from my family who called to wish me a happy birthday. It was strange and a little sad. No one knew me. I didn’t really know me. 

This was the start of my twenties. 

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I am thirty today. And when I think about the past decade, I think of all the things I became. A student. A Malibu nanny. A college graduate. An unemployed college graduate (lol). A 9-5 working adult who learned to pay her taxes and meal plan. I became a wife to my college sweetheart. I became a mom. A homeowner. A writer. A small business owner. A mom a second time, and then a third.

In my twenties a lot of friendships were born, some grew stronger while others faded and I’d learn to be okay with both. I went on some desperate interviews for jobs I would have hated (i.e a printer salesperson job). There was so much moving and starting over, and over, and over (the tagline for my twenties). It was full of moments I was brave enough to ask someone to coffee, hoping it would turn into a friendship. It was the decade I’d meet a 19 year old boy and say yes to that date, which turned into a wedding and then three babies. It was a decade of battling insecurity and body image and depression. Every year in my twenties I shed a layer of pretending, and embraced who was underneath a little more.

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My prayer for the next ten years is that I would keep learning who God wants me to become. I pray I keep experiencing overwhelming grace when I mess up. That I would keep being brave in friendships. That I would keep growing and trying new things. That I would keep writing and creating and putting my heart out there. When I turn 40 I want to say that I’ve become a better friend, mother, wife, and daughter. So what I really want is to keep doing what I've been doing--just without all the moving boxes and massive student debt.

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Today I woke up to the smell of coffee and my husband wishing me a happy birthday. He played what he’s calling my theme song for the year: Jay Z’s Thirty Something. 

“Thirty is the new twenty, I'm so hot still.”

I may be 30 and drive a minivan, but your girl still loves some hip-hop. 

I ate pancakes with the kids, opened cards made with love by tiny hands, and was celebrated like a queen. Tomorrow I have friends from all over coming into Turlock, who will be interwoven with new friends around a picnic table in our backyard. My heart can hardly wait.

I’ve become a lot of things in my twenties, but by far the greatest thing I’ve become is known and I’m ready for more of that. 

Hello Thirty.