To Feel Both

We’re home after a quick 48 hour trip down to LA. Being back where we spent so many years of our life was both good + hard. All weekend I held this tension in my chest. This ache for what was. An overwhelming gratitude for what is. I remembered and missed the abundance of food and experiences around every corner, as I thought about the quieter, slow paced life at home. I longed for the freedom I used to have, juxtaposed to the incredible weight and joy of the responsibilities I carry now.

It felt bittersweet to be back there. And it also felt bittersweet to return home.

I’m tempted to rush past the tension, to will myself to live in the present. To just be grateful and shove the sad away. But I think it’s okay to be both. To acknowledge both. To feel both.

So here I am saying I miss LA. I also love Turlock. I miss going to brunch with girlfriends. I also love seeing my kids play together in the backyard. I miss my college friends, and I also love the community we’re making here. It’s both / and.

So today as we get back into our family rhythm, as I head to our neighborhood Starbucks, and walk the streets we’ve come to love—I’m giving myself permission to feel both / and. If you’re in a new season or a new place with new people, I give you that freedom too.