Holidays and Expectations 🇺🇸

Fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays. On a good year it's spent with family barbecuing by the lake, listening to country music, wearing all the red, white and blue.

Holidays have such high expectations around them. Expectations you place on them from your childhood. Expectations your spouse brings in. What you see your friends doing with their families on Instagram. What your single friends are doing (which you totally couldn't do because #littles). What your older friends are doing with their big kids (which again you can't do because #littles).

This year we planned to be home for the El Camino block party. Our street shuts down, everyone piles out of their homes and onto front lawns. Multiple houses have barbecues going and kids are running from lawn to lawn. We were so looking forward to getting to know more of our neighbors this year.

Expectations right? Instead, we chased around our almost two year old who is not quite old enough to be independent-- but definitely old enough to think she can be. Between going back and forth from the house for nursing sessions to dealing with a tantrum because we wouldn't let Elle eat a latex balloon #worldsmeanestparents)we looked at each other about an hour and a half in like...bed time?

So we missed the parade. And the contests for best decorated bike. And roasting s'mores. We didn't get to see Eleanor or Jude's face light up when they saw fireworks for the first time. Instead we put the kids down and collapsed on the couch trying to decide if it was the lamest thing ever to get in bed this early on a holiday, finally settling somewhere in the middle and watching the Patriot.

You guys I have to be honest. I felt underwhelmed. And a little sad? I am such a big fan of celebrations and traditions and being basic on holidays with matching outfits. That's the kind of family I grew up in. That's what I've always hoped and dreamed for my kids. I seriously underestimated the transition into having a family of my own, and being far from my own family and their festivities.

I underestimated the weight of being the mom, the one who works for hours to prepare for those fun traditions or meals, who's not entirely relaxed as she's meeting others needs throughout the day. The days of putting your feet up and having people (the moms and aunts and grandmas) serve you is over. That is me now! I am the one serving.

I also forgot that becoming a family is a process that takes living out days like yesterday, over and over again. You know what is a total shocker? Family traditions don't feel like traditions when you do them the first time. Or really even the second or third. They feel clunky. Like you're constantly wondering...I am doing this right? It feels different...different from your childhood, which I suppose it should. It's a new family after all.

So the Fourth of July came and went. It wasn't all I hoped it would be. But it was sweet in a way, filled with memories of red, white and blue pancakes for breakfast, and walking downtown for the parade, short naps, and little Fourth of July outfits. I bet next year will feel different with kids a little older. Maybe, just maybe, next year we'll see those fireworks. But if not that's okay too. Let's learn to hold those expectations loosely, right?